You know when I was a teenager in my younger years, I hated my mom. I felt like she didn't love me enough, didn't do enough things for me, neglected me and didn't care about me enough. We fought all the time, in tears, crying our hearts out, shouting at each other, I would cut myself, and hate her even more for not obviously caring. I know many people go through that, it's just something you go through. In the end, when you are 40 or something, you either get along with your parents because you started accepting them as they are, or you don't get along and never talk to them. Which is rather sad and shouldn't be. I think people who are very narrow-minded and stubborn, tend to keep a bad relationship with their parents throughout their lives, because they can't accept their parents as they are; human beings, with own personalities. I hated my mom so much, because she didn't do all the things other German moms did. She never made breakfast or lunch for me. She never brought me to school or pick me up. She never came to school events or hugged me. All the values that a good mother, according to western standards, should have, were missing. Was I sad ? Yes I was sad. I was sad for years and years. Did I hate her ? Yes I hated her so much for not being there for me, the way I wanted her to. Am I still sad ? No Iam not. Do I still hate her ? No I don't. Do I love her ? Not more than I used to love her when I was a teenager. So what's different now ? Nowadays, my mom and me, we get along better. We can talk, and discuss things, and we care for each other. We talk about each others lives, about the things that are going on in our lives. We exchange ourselves. Has that made me love her more ? No it hasn't. What has changed though, is the fact that I have become mature. I care less, and know and accept more now. How I get along well with my family: accept & adapt. Just that. I started realizing that my mom simply is a Vietnamese mother, who hasn't grown up with western values. She didn't give a shit about my school events, and neither would I now, tbh. Because I was shaped and influenced by the society that I've grown up in, I had always thought that the way a "good mother" is depicted by this society, is the way a good mother is supposed to be. Which is simply not.... true, you know. A good mother is someone who loves her children. Does my mom love me ? She did most of the time. And all the other stuff that I cared about so much ? Actually so irrelevant. At one point I started realizing, that I don't even need those things that I expected of her, so why be mad about it. Did it kill me, going to school in winter at minus degrees by myself ? Iam still alive, so no. Did it kill me that she didn't make breakfast for me ? No because, I could do it myself. It simply would have been more convenient for me, if she had done it for me. But that would have meant that she would have had to get up earlier, which would have been more inconvenient for her. Well, she decided not to spoil me, and made me do it myself instead. Does that make her love me less ? No. That just shows that she is lazy. A lazy human being. Who happens to be a mother as well. People really should stop putting too much emphasis on things, that are actually not that important, just because we think it's important. And about my mom's personality. I tend to say that I probably wouldn't be friends with her, if she wasn't my mom. Which means that we are not that alike, and there is a lot about her that I don't exactly like, you know. But I have started to accept everything about her. Now iam aware of her... let's say, negative properties, but I stopped blaming her for it. Because there is no fucking point in blaming your parents for being the way they are. You either accept and adapt, or you don't !! You cannot choose your parents, and just because they gave birth to you, and love you so much, they are not going to change who they are, and who they have been for years and years and years, just because you hit puberty and start disliking them ! Imagine you have a long-term friend, and everything is good and fine, and suddenly she starts throwing tantrums and be pissed at everything you do or say. Let's be honest. Would you want to change yourself, just so that it suits your friend ? No you would not. You'd just say fuck off bitch. Just that as parent you can't say fuck off, so parents try to discipline you. Which is bullshit as well. Parents should make their kids realize that they simply are human beings as well, and that everyone should accept each other, and if they really can't get along, a compromise should be found. But most parents will never ever think like that. It took me years. As child. My mom hasn't realized it until now I think. She blames my brother for features he can't be blamed for. She simply should accept and adapt. But does she listen to me ? No. Now iam all cool with mom and dad. And my brother is going through that shit phase of thinking that none of my parents love him. I know he is sad, but I hope he will soon realize that they do love him. But simply cant match his expectations. He better accept it sooner than later. It would be a shame, because I know by far worse people than my parents. Have you ever looked at your parent as a person ? If not, it's about time, Maybe they are not so bad after all, and maybe you can accept them simply the way they are. If not... Sorry bro. At least find a good gf/bf then, who meets your expectations, or your life is fucked lol.