" Munich's Haus der Kunst is showcasing 15 international, independent magazines that have originated over the past 13 years. With Felix Burrichter from PIN-UP as its curator, the show provides an insider's perspective on the independent publishing world. Visually engaging, these genre-defining magazines present distinctive viewpoints—often driven by the vision and obsessions of a strong personality.
Supposedly niche publications, the selected magazines all have contributed to broader cultural and especially editorial shifts in a variety of subjects from art, design, architecture, food, and fashion. [...] " via Gestalten
Ok so last Thursday my friend Chris called me to go to the opening of this exhibition with him. The night before i had only three hours of sleep and i had been doing all kinds of things throughout the day already. Like going to the post office to send away products, getting my car fixed and going to the customs office to get my Korean beauty products. So i was pretty tired but it was just 5pm when he called me. He went like, 'Ok Julia whatever plans you have for this evening, cancel them, we are going to Haus der Kunst for an exhibition opening.' Well that was convincing. Exhibition about independent magazines... Why not. So i met him there, i was a little late like always and this is what we saw:
All in all i don't have any opinion on this exhibition at all. After i left the place i didn't really bother to think about it again because there was nothing that moved me in a particular way. What made me think though was a conversation i had with Chris. Until now iam still not sure whether i got his point right but still, he told me 'Julia thats complete bullshit, and you know it!' two or three times. I was saying something about how i want to try my best and work so hard to achieve what i want. And then he said something bla bla, and i said something bla bla ( I really do't remember the context) and then he said that sentence which he told me two or three times. With the reason that if i aim for what iam aiming for, and i can't achieve it, the only possible thing that will happen, if i can't reach my aim is the complete opposite. Complete destruction. Because even now sometimes i feel so bad and depressive when i think that i don't work hard enough. He said that in that way of thinking there is no mediocrity and that yeah, if i dont reach the climax i can only fall to destruction. And then he told me that that's bullshit again, and that i know it. And then my first reaction was, that's not true ! Stubborn as iam. But then i thought about it. And he is right. Iam still not sure whether I got the whole context right or the meaning of his words, but yeah, no matter what he was intending to tell me, it opened my eyes.
The truth is, the past weeks and months I have been putting so much pressure on myself and iam so afraid of failing that my depressions have returned. I really want to make the shop something i can live off and something successful. I really want to achieve something and be proud of myself. There is so many things i want to do. And every time the thought that i might not be good enough or might not make it crosses my mind i fall into a shitwhole in which all my negative thoughts cover me with crap. And i feel so lost and helpless, have inferiority complexes (which I have always had but it hasn't been this bad in years) and want to cut myself. It's so ridiculous. Actually I thought I had come to the point at which I was strong enough to not give in to such negative thoughts but apparently I was wrong. The more I want to achieve, the better I want to be, the more scared Iam. Of failing. When Iam sober and rational I sometimes don't even understand myself, why I have feelings like that. I guess you guys won't either. Sigh. But yeah, i won't give in and won't give up. I will get to where I want to be and I will be happy with myself one day.
Anyway, my friend Chris is a photodesign student, very talented and odd at times. We see each other way too rarely, but i love his work. Check out his Portfolio !
About the Paper Weight exhibition, you can check it out at Haus der Kunst in Munich until Oct 27th, 2013.