two thing on my mind.


im freaking out !

During my trip to London i came to the conclusion that its bollocks to take another gap year to do a diploma in fashion journalism, because i would be freaking 2NE1 (ah ha ha ha... lol) when i start undergraduate studies and freaking twentyfour when i get my bachelor ! So my actual plan was doing digital journalism in march 2012, finish in march 2013 with a diploma, half a year doing internships or whatever and then start the undergrad course Media Arts Production at Greenwich University in october 2013 (Plan!!! In imaginary plans you always succeed and get accepted !! lol). Then i realized its ridiculous to do that diploma year, i could as well be twenty when i start uni and do a master in the field of journalism. So i rearranged my plan and its looking like this right now : (since iam getting my German citizenship soon) going to fucking Singapore for a month or so, do some course, travelling to Taiwan & China to improve Chinese, some more travel in Asia, go back to Germany in July or August, work my ass off and then start uni. The problem right now.... Actually i didnt intend to do proper Uni. Like.. a course at a proper University. I didnt put much effort into my final exams at school and i sucked big time. Im afraid when i apply for that course at Greenwich university they might not accept me. And i dont have an alternative plan right now. And that freaks me out. Im so scared of failing that i sometimes dont even try. I know myself. I must not let it happen but its very likely to happen. Procrastination until i miss deadline. I dont know why but i have always been like this. I rather fail completely than failing when trying. Its so stupid i know... Ok since iam very interested in that stupid Media Arts production course i seriously should apply for it. Actually i really want to study that subject because it sounds so interesting but im so scared of them not accepting me... I wish i could turn time back and redo my final exams, i swear i would study so much harder !