i dont feel like eating much recently. id rather starve. i hate my body so much. nothing is fulfilling me right now. i think im falling back into depressions. every year when the night breaks in earlier i start feeling this huge discontent. i want to drink alcohol everyday and not think every night. this was my lunch today anyway. usually i like eating it. today i just ate it for the eatings sake and i didnt want to eat sth with too many calories.

my book has finally arrived. bought it via amazon for 10 cents, the delivery costs were 3 euro, thats a total of 3,10 euro for a book, its insane. if you order a lot of books at the same time delivery costs are even cheaper. and it looks and feels absolutely new. i love this story of Lui, Ama and Shiba so much, i dont know why. i could read and watch it over and over again. it moves something hidden inside of me but i havnt figured out what it is yet.

i dont like autumn very much. even though it was sunny and nice today i didnt feel like going out. i felt like  needed to go out but in fact i didnt want to go out. have to go out later though. im selling my old blackberry curve 8520 for 50 euro to a former classmate. how cheap, could sell it for 70 easily. im an idiot. whatever.

“I felt fortunate to have been born with a face people liked.” - hotomi kanehara
I never found myself very pretty, even when people tell me, I feel nothing. -