no more

I'm so afraid of losing myself, to the extent that no matter what compromise we could find, it would be one I couldn't deal with. It's not the right time. I want to be free. I don't want to get caught up in a cage again. I'm so scared. I know you love me, but it suffocates me. Be someone for yourself, before you can be someone to me, ever again. I can't be with the person I used to know anymore. I can not. It's freaking me out, even just trying to think of getting back together. Like all my chances and opportunities are just about to die out immediately. I'm not the person I used to be anymore. I'm not the person you fell in love in the first place. I will never be that person again. Ever. 

I will do what I want, live the life I want to live. Support me as a friend, don't expect me to love you as a lover. I will care for you, but I won't lose myself to you.  

Relationships scare me to death right now. You remember my post about me saying I want to settle ? And find the one ? YES ! One day ! It doesn't have to be now. I mean I have no idea where I will be in five years, how can I expect myself to settle now. It's impossible. I have no idea how much i'll earn and where I will live by then, how can I decide what relationship will be good for me with no clear view on my future ? Yes I want to be loved, yes I want to go on dates, yes I want to have passionate sex, but NO I don't want to be anyone's girlfriend right now. I've had enough. I do not want to. Leave me being selfish and egoistic. I just want to have fun and enjoy life and focus on work for now.

 'True love can wait.' - N.M.