My life is not all negative memories as most of my posts might indicate. I have so many beautiful and happy memories as well, I just prefer to share my happy moments in visual form, which you can see on Facebook and Instagram, and my sadder thoughts in written form. It has always been like that.
I never got to tell you, all the things I liked about you. It takes billions of years for me to open up, and maybe it's the same with you, or I'm simply not the one you can open up to. I tried but it didn't work. I felt like the harder I tried, the more reluctant you were, and in the end I lost. I'm not sad at all though. Knowing you, spending time with you, I consider those moments precious and full of joy, I would never regret. We were meant to meet. You made me become more aware of what kind of person Iam, and encouraged me to reveal it all, instead of holding back. I did, and it felt amazing. Being able to be absolutely honest. Even though it didn't work out. Not having to be afraid to speak the truth, at the risk of hurting someone's feelings or getting my own hurt, I did it. You challenged me. I hated and loved it. I usually never insist on my opinion, but your arrogance sometimes made me do. It was ridiculous and fun at the same time. I know that you are not. Arrogant. You contradicted yourself in what you said more than once, so I know you are not any better than Iam. And that you are exactly the person I thought you are. Not the most considerate, but not obstinate either. The very first night I insisted that I look at things from different perspectives, and you told me that I have to stick to one opinion to state my point. I said it's ridiculous. We argued over that. Sometime later you said, 'I'm the kind of person who looks at things from different perspectives. I always try to understand people.' Ehhh. Why bothering me that I'm not supposed to be like that in the first place ? Haha. We talked and talked. A lot. I was excited to receive your messages first thing in the morning. I never could wait to see you again but had to play it cool. I'm a girl ! And I'm no better than any other ordinary girl. When you first told me that you liked me, my first thought was, of course you like me ! I knew. Guys are lazy to text by nature and you texted me all the time ! Haha. I loved how you encouraged me and seriously tried to convince me to do things out of my comfort zone. Sometimes you have to do things uncomfortable in order to get what is rightfully yours. I was around you for just a short time, but I felt like I learned a lot. You see, girls, it's important to meet new people, new circumstances to grow. If you always just stay in your same old comfort zone, will you believe me that you won't change a lot ? It was fun hanging around with you and your friends, even though I didn't understand everything you said. And those brief moments, when you took my hand, even though always either very timidly or clumsy or very retardedly, it felt right to me. I looked at you and I felt content at heart. I felt like I just wanted to stay there and be nowhere else. But it's always like that right ? The first encounters when you like someone. The urge to step one step closer. It wasn't special at all. But it felt right. Being around you made me happy. That you were willing to take me to the beach. Us singing to Big Bang in your car. The first time you laid your arm around me. How I made fun of you because of your outfits. Drinking with you. Falling asleep in your arms. I was happy. And at the same time I knew it couldn't last. Similar way of thinking but with no same interests and no shared daily life it's hard to keep up conversations. The feelings that were about to come up were meant to fade. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing. I appreciate everything that happened, and am glad that I will forever be able to keep it as a nice memory. I'm glad that I met you. You always told me to be rational. Iam right now : )
I just went through the whole text again, and I guess I will never be a novelist. I can't help analyzing myself and everything. I can't tell a story without drawing conclusions based on what I did, thought and felt. Horrible haha. I hope you don't mind. I wish I could convey the happiness that I felt in a lighter and softer approach, but I guess I simply am not that kind of girl.