It's the small things that bother me about myself. Wanting to live a life in beauty is fucking hard, did you know that ? You always have to make an effort. Always having things look neat and nice, it's taking effort for me. I'm not a naturally neat person. I decided to be one. So I constantly have to work on it. I used to not wash my hair for 5 days (to my defence, that was during my punk phase when i was 14), i could leave my room a mess for at least two weeks and actually feel comfortable in it (yes, my mom yelled at me all the time), i never felt the urge to clean or tidy anything (but my mom made me do housework), my nails always looked shit and my shoes were never clean. I was horribly lazy and it was reflected in every aspect of my life. It's not like I wanted to be like that, but I was lazy. And back then I never made an effort. So, I changed. I try to do all things that have to be done, so everything looks and feels good now, but it's not easy for me. And it bothers me to death when i fall back into my lazy pattern. When I don't clean the dishes right away. When I don't do my laundry right away even though I see the big pile. It bothers me so much. Yet I still get too lazy to do it right away every now and then. I have this ideal about myself in the future and i need to work on myself to get there. Even having your hair look good and smelling good requires effort. There were times when I never used perfume because I was too lazy to? Even now putting make-up on is bothersome to me. I want to get to the point at which i'm so used to doing these little things that they become effortless to me. I really need to cut my nails when I get home. They've been looking shit for the past two days and it's pissing me off haha.