enlightment once again.

Suddenly everything makes sense. Sometimes I feel enlightened and it comes out of nowhere. Nothing world changing like finding a way to cure HIV but simple things, that change my way of thinking and how I perceive things and situations completely. Today it's that I have to stop making the guy that I like, like me. Doesn't sound like it makes sense ? It does. Let's see if you can agree with me on this. Basically, if you start dating someone, you prefer to show rather the best than the worst of you right ? You like the other person, so of course you want to do things that make the other person like you too, isn't it ? You are especially precautious in what you say and how you act. Even though you might deny it right now, I bet you do. Because I do it as well. Even though I don't completely change my personality or something, there are things that I always hide when I start liking someone. The truth is, I'm fucking blunt. So what I do in that process of getting to know someone, I try to hide it. But actually I'm blunt. I speak before I think. That doesn't always put me into the best light, but a lot of people love me for it as well haha. I also hate a lot and am mean sometimes. Seriously, who will admit that ??? I had a conversation with Hai about it yesterday. He told me that his boyfriend asked him, why he was so nice in the beginning, and now is so mean haha. Hai's reply was, 'because you would have run away from me right from the start, if I had shown you my bad side right away.' lol. I always do point out that I'm a horrible person, because I think a lot and make people around me suffer from my depressions, when I have them, though, but is that something you would tell on your first date ? No. You wouldn't. Don't lie. Haha. Noone is perfect. Everyone has their good and bad side. Embrace both, and see who is going to be willing to stay by your side. It takes time to get to know a person, but how about being completely yourself and honest with yourself and the other person from the start, so you can give the whole thing a chance, so that both parties can figure out whether they can accept each others flaws or not ?

The mistake I did with my ex boyfriend was, at the beginning he thought I'm the one. Of course man, I was so nice and thoughtful, dedicated, devoted, caring, loving, charming and all. He focused on all these good aspects of mine, and I didn't really let him see my bad sides. If you like someone, and that person tells you that you are the one for certain reasons, of course you will put in more effort to point out these reasons, right ? YES YOU DO. It's in human nature to want to get acknowledged. So at some point, after having been together for a while, you start slacking off. Not paying too much attention anymore about what you say or how you act. That's usually the point when couples start fighting. Both parties are going to start thinking: 'He/She is not the person I met in the beginning.' And it's true ! In the beginning you are a better and nicer version of yourself. But it's hard to keep that up all the time. We are human. It's ok to have flaws. You just need to find the right people who will accept them nonetheless and will love you anyway. 

So now I'm aware that, I can try to change it. Approach the person you like, like you'd approach friendship. I think in friendship everything is a little bit easier and more honest, because losing a potential friend is not as sad as losing a potential partner haha. Try to not think too much, and just be as you are. If it's not meant to be, it's not meant to be. As I already said in my last post. Don't settle for anything less than full acceptance. Not trying to say that the other person has to love you for your bad features. But that person has to at least be able to accept them. And in order to do that, he/she should know of them before you are 1 year in a relationship and start to get pissed at each other all the time. I've been there. It's not cool, and I will not have it again. At some point in my life I have to start learning from my mistakes, don't I ! I feel a lot wiser now haha. 

Thanks for the comments on the last post girls btw. I love to read your comments and your view on things ! I wish I'd get more opinions : )