Oh wow, it has been almost two month since my last entry. Very very shocking. Floralpunk is still making up big parts of my life, because i cannot slow down. It is impossible, because i have turned into an ambitious perfectionist.
Some might have been following me for a long period, and they might know that I used to be so unsatisfied with myself. Guess what, that feeling is gone. Because I work very hard on myself every single fucking day recently. I try to do my best, and not be down all the time anymore. I take small steps, instead of dreaming of the faraway things I want to achieve. I work, step by step, and achieve, step by step. Pretty proud of myself, I've got to admit that. I've turned into a hard-working young woman, who exactly knows what she wants, without the slightest hint of depressions... Ok not completely true. I still have breakdowns every now and then because I feel like I can't handle all the pressure, but I usually just go on with all the things I have to do, so it never gets as bad as it used to. Boy oh boy, was I unhappy with myself. And how I achieved the transformation into my new self ? I write down a billion things I have to do into my agenda everyday, and I just do them. I don't think about it, I just try to tick off as many things as possible. Sometimes I still procrastinate, but at the end of the week, I will have fulfilled almost everything that was on my list that week. And since I add more work than necessary, I move forward. I give myself new challenges every now and then, and I just do them. Once they are done, I feel proud of myself, and that encourages me to work harder. I've been working out like four times a week the past two weeks. Can you believe it ? Me, the laziest girl ever who hated sports so muchhhh. Iam working out ! Because I feel like I have achieved something every time I'm done with it. I still feel some resistance inside of me every time I'm on my way to gym, but I don't let it affect my decision. When I say I go, I go. My time schedule is so tight, there's no space to think "oh I'll go later" or "I'll go tomorrow". Either I go, or I don't. And since I hate it when I don't go, I go. I don't want to hate myself anymore, you know. So thanks to all this pressure I'm putting upon myself I'm moving forward. And I always feel the urge to encourage people, because I know myself from two years ago. I was horrible. I look back at myself and feel pissed at myself. So much wasted time, so many missed opportunities. Why ? To lie in bed a little longer ? To scroll down my tumblr feed a little longer ? What for ?! You know I'm right ! If you are someone, who wants to achieve something, get your act together now and just fucking do it ! Noone except for yourself is holding you back man. If you are unhappy with something, do something against it. I'm not saying that it has to be now, right away, because it took me a very long time as well, but at least get used to the thought that you need to change, if you can't get used to the thought of leading the life you are living now.
As for me, I will continue to work on myself. I just want to be happy, just like everyone else, you know. I feel happy when I achieve something after having worked really hard. It's just that, really. I want to improve, and looking back and seeing things I have achieved, that makes me happy. You really need to make this experience, it will change your life ! You will get addicted ! If there's just a little spark of ambition inside of you, you need to fucking light it and try to get everything you want.
Ok enough talk about this. I will try to update my diary more regularly from now on. Actually I always want to blog, but because of social media like Facebook or Instagram, I never get to. Because once I have said something I can't be bothered to tell it a second time.
Friday night, 1 am, I still have to finish off some orders for shipping tomorrow, and I need to work on my new website as well. I really don't have much time these days, so bothersome. I've been procrastinating a bit, because I spent two hours cleaning the flat and feel so tired. Urgh. End of post. Gonna do what I have to do now, so I can tick some more things off my list. If you don't have one yet, go get an agenda. For real.