fears and friends

Friendships are something essential in everyone's life. We all need and have friends. Most of my friends are based in either Munich or Saigon. Those are people i truly trust and adore for who they are.
The thing is... it's not so easy to make friends to me. And I'll be moving to Berlin, a city in which i know people, but dont really have any friends. And that worries me. Iam shit at getting in touch with people, and pretty picky about who i hang out with. I dont like hanging out with people i dont feel comfortable around. And believe it or not, with all of my closest friends it was pretty much love at first sight. I have expectations i might not be able to reach. I cant live off small-talk and acquiantances. I know my best friends won't vanish but once they are not part of my daily life anymore it will be hard to keep in touch. Yeah iam that kind of person. I will still love them, just loose the urge to talk to them about people or circumstances they might not know.

Why is it so important for me to have friends, like people i can deep-talk to ? Because i would fuckin get stuck in my depressions if there is noone i can share feelings and thoughts with. Even right now i feel weird with all these emotions inside that i can't wait to get back to Munich and tell my friends about them. Another thing, i don't open up to people i don't feel a connection to. So i'd probably just talk about superficial shit, but never about how i feel. See. No friend, not someone i can talk to. And i don't think i have met anyone yet who shares my humour ? I think my "friends" criterias are even harsher than when it comes to lovers lol. I've just gone through it too many times. Hanging out with people who bore me or just make me feel not included. I don't want that. I rather stay at home and play Candy Crush, than spending another three hours at a shisha bar with people who don't interest me. But iam afraid i might end up going to dinner by myself all the time (when my bf is busy) as well. Like the other day... Iam not a loner person, but i cant stand hanging out with people who i don't like either. Having friends is important man. So so important.

Why do I even think so much.