in reply.

The last anonymous comment on my previous post got me thinking. Maybe because iam in a thinking mood. Usually iam very stubborn with my opinions and even if people try making me consider, i just wont. Well i do, but then i tend to come to the conclusion that my way of thinking is kind of... more right. More me. You know what i mean ? Its not that i dont see the other persons point. I see it very clearly but in the end, matter of fact to me is, iam not at that point. So whats the point of thinking from that point ?

Wow writing down that thought in a comprehensible took me so much energy already, i almost cant be bothered to continue anymore. I just came back from Berlin, am very tired and full, because i ate a humongous bowl of noodle soup. Right now i actually just want to lay down and fall asleep. But i wont. Ok.

So. The comment is following : "Its interesting ive been coming to your blog for a couple months now and you seem like someone people would envy, you seem to be able to travel the world have cool **expensive** stuff and are able to get fashionable accessories its amazing you are depressed about life...compared to me youve got it made"

Well yeah. What can i say.. Whoever you are, you are right. A lot of people think i live a really cool life And i kind of do. I have made experiences throughout my life other kids my age can only dream of. And people who meet me in real life would never think ive got depressions. Iam rather cheerful and smile a lot. I should mention that iam just depressed sometimes, and that i never think that my life sucks. Id rather be me than anyone else. I just havnt figured out how to be the best me i can, yet, thats all. And yeah... I dont know, i should be happy and proud of myself, which i kind of am. But sometimes the negative emotions just hit me real hard and i hate myself so much and feel so inferior to everyone and i cant control it. So i just let it go and flow. I write about it, drink it away. There are reasons why i have those feelings and thoughts coming up every now and then. Its not like i chose to be depressive. It just happens, based on experiences i have made in my past. And i let it happen, because when iam stable, like now, i really dont mind myself being like that. Its just another part of me. About the travelling and things i own.. Its just a matter of money. I have been raised with always having enough of it to satisfy my needs, so even now, when i dont get money from my parents anymore, i just cant stand not having money. I work a lot. Id rather work five days a week than one. Id rather have 500 Euro cash than 100. I started working when i was 12, helping out at my dads restaurant. I always had more money than my friends. Until i turned 16, i would visit my dad every holiday just to work for him and to go home with a couple hundred Euro. Which is a lot for a, lets say, someone 14. So even though i knew my mom and dad would give me money, i never sat still and tried to make more. It doesnt make me rich, but i can afford most of the basic things i want. Just a matter of cashflow. I actually have been wanting to write about this topic for a while. I remember this one girl who called me spoilt once and i got really pissed. Actually i wanted to write more and about other things but i got distracted right when i started. My loverboy is being weird to me, so those thoughts kind of have priority now haha. Cheers kids. And yes, i do appreciate my life, i know its fucking good, and iam blessed. Have a good night x