unbroken heart.

Over the past few days i have started feeling a connection to my hometown again. I went out with friends, had dinners out, enjoyed the time carefreely and... its been a while... Me enjoying life.
Iam so eager to make money to get away from here that i totally forgot that i can have fun in Munich, too. Its not that bad, everything is familiar, im not pressured, i really should appreciate it more.

I keep telling myself that i must save money, that i shouldnt go out, eat out, go clubbing, go shopping but tbh, what is left if i cant do any of the things i like to do the most ? Of course i can eat at home by myself or at work everyday but its not as satisfying as going for lunch at a nice restaurant with your friends. Of course i can wear my old clothes over and over again, no, i do not need new clothes, but come on... Look at me yeah, would it make me happy ? No. Even worse, does it make me happy ? NO. Iam not happy going into Zara, knowing i have so much money in the back but not being able to spend it. Its quite hard for me right now. Trying to bring up the ambition to go to work every day... Same routine. Every day. You lose sight of your actual aim every now and then, thats when the depressions kick off. Hating work. Hating your own discontentment. Hating you for not being strong enough to endure it with a smile.

I managed to spend less than 150€ in two days and iam rather proud of myself. Two dinners, one night out and a bit of shopping included. I always think of escaping, but what is here iam escaping from ? Actually if i didnt long to travel so much i could spend all my money in Munich and could lead a normal and content life here. This constant wanderlust is going to kill me one day, i can tell.