irrationality.


lush club, HCMC

I usually always have an amazing time in Vietnam, exciting, happy and light-hearted. I usually never get into any trouble because iam a rather incommunicative person by nature, more distrusting than I seem at first sight. And most vietnamese people are very... two-faced. Superficial. Untrustworthy. They talk so so so nicely in front of you, but as soon you are out of sight they use every word you used to use it against you. Because i observe the people around me, the people that talk to me about others, i  figured out this habit many vietnamese people have, real fast. And I started being careful. I dont interfere into anyones business, fine, he said something shit about her ? Why should i tell her. Whats the point of it. She is not close enough to me to make me feel protective about her anyway. I keep distance. I just go out with them during my vacation, they never will be my best friends anyway, i dont give a shit. I think thats essential here in Vietnam. To keep distance. To be able to stay friends with everyone. Either that or to become just as two-faced yourself.

I make life hard for me myself sometimes. I naturally freak out too easily. And usually im more of a person who avoids confrontations, except with my loved ones, who i always try to be absolutely honest with. Anyway, yeah with people who are not that close to me, i usually just let things pass by being pissed at them at the beginning, then hating them silently just to yet feel indifferent about them at the end of the day, because they dont really matter in my life and without them even knowing it actually. Always confronting people with shits and always be very direct, it would make my life unnecessarily super hard. Since i freak out about things easily. Thats when i lack distance to myself and situations, when i cant see things objective and rationally anymore. Since I usually just let it pass, its no big deal to not having a grip on me for a bit. But when iam tipsy or drunk and out for confrontation and cant control myself, fucking hell breaks lose. I freak out, make a big deal out of nothing. Nothing i would give a shit about if i was sober. Just to wake up the next day to regret my behaviour the night before. And all i think is, WHY ?!

I dont know if you guys can follow me or get the intention of my words since i still have bits of alcohol in my body, only slept for four hours and my head is still not clear but anyway, i felt like i needed to get this off my chest. And what i said about vietnamese people earlier, that of course doesnt refer to all vietnamese people. Obviously. Cheers, i should get back to sleep. Wish i could blog more pictures but i couldnt bring my camera with my so bare with my outfit pictures on toughlookdonthurt ?   : )

Anyway, now im gonna book my tickets to Singapore. Yes iam going to Singapore again, for make-up and clothes shoppinggggg yay ! This Friday to Sunday !