anger.

I stopped feeling hatred for people ages ago. I never seriously hate anyone. Every has their reasons for certain actions and iam noone to judge those actions. Of course i do get angry at people. But anger fades away very easily as well.

Iam so upset right now. I havnt said 'i hate you' for so many years. But right now i just feel like screaming it out loud. I always think i have to be reasonable. But then again, why the fuck should i ? So what if people tell me that iam unreasonable afterwards. What if i act bad when i feel hurt ? Shit, all my life i have swallowed every shit happening to me thinking, oh they have reasons for treating me this way. But why do i even think like that, to their advantage ? Why dont i just think, hey, they SUCK for treating me that way and i deserve to be treated better ? People told me, you deserve better. I never listened to it because i thought it was bullshit. Iam simply a very very thoughtful and reasonable person. But have these features ever helped me in any way ?

Fuck every aspect of my personality now is due to my first boyfriend. I have never had a very strong personality and a lot of confidence. But he smashed it even more. Ever since, i cant get rid of the feeling of being inferior to other people. Thats why iam in no position to judge them either. I always think about things from two different angles and come to different conclusions. You have no idea what pain in the ass it is. Never coming to one conclusion.