blogging and other stuff.



I love Paris best at sunset and at midday when the sun is shining ! Same actually goes for everywhere i go. Or when the sky is still a little light from the last rays of sun but the street lights are turned on already.

I still have all these pictures from Vietnam and Singapore and Paris and dont know what to do with them ! Im not the kind of person who goes on a trip and then have one or two picture to show from the whole trip ! I take shitloads of pictures and usually i just put them all on my xanga. But because i thought that i needed to change that i said goodbye to xanga. But what am i going to do with all these pictures now ? I could post them here.... Make this my new xanga and put all the pictures under a shortcut. Yes thats one possibility. But i could also just revive my xanga. Oh i really dont know, i cant stand being home recently, i dont feel like editing pictures or videos at all, i need a laptop. I just cant stand being home so i cant stand being at my computer as well. Even right now as i write this i wish i could get out of this flat. Whats going on with me -.-"

I have always felt like this a little bit. Because i was home by myself, only at night and felt lonely. But i could handle it. Or rather tried to and ended up very depressed every night, with all my inferiority complexes and low self esteem and self hatred. Then i found the cure, which was not really a cure. How about just going out every night or not going home, or go somewhere away from home ? Ever since earlier this year i have been travelling around non-stop, and have been going out much more than last year. It has gotten so bad that i had to scream at my mom and had to tell her that i cant stand being at home when she tried to drag me home. She thinks its only because iam 'ham choi', that i want to go out and hang with my friends, but there is so much more behind it. I know she is at home. With me. In the same flat. Yet i feel so lonely and i simply cannot stand this feeling. I really dont know whats wrong. You should feel comfortable and cozy and warm in your own home right ? I really dont know why i dont. (Only at night though its so weird). Thats why i sit at the computer so long until im tired so that i can go to sleep right away when i go to bed. Or even when i lay in bed iam on my blackberry to just occupy my mind. I cant just lay in bed. I also cant just sit in my room. Or lay in my bed. I only lay in my bed for two occasions : sleep or reading. There is nothing such as relaxing for me. I usually wake up, get ready and go out. Or turn my computer on, see whats going on, talk to my friends and then go out. I hate days on which i have to stay home all day. The worst. I feel sorry because of my mom. I know she feels lonely too. And worries about me every other night when i dont come home. But what can i do....