34,36,38,40,42. XS,S,M,L,XL. Typical retail sizes here in Germany. When I was in Singapore I encountered a lot of XXS's as well. A size you would never find in Germany. I've been size 38 when it comes to clothes since I was 14 and my growing process finished. Yes I've been 1,70m since I was 14 (or 15?). I've been unhappy with my body ever since I hit puberty. I had horrible eating habits, didn't do any activities that required physical exhaustion and i'm surprised i didn't end up obese actually. Throughout the past seven years, there was only one other short period in which I weighed as little as I do now. 55 kg. I was 17 and didn't eat for three months, had a eating disorder because I threw up after every meal, and then spent one month in Vietnam, where I couldn't eat anything, because i'd got stomach ache from everything. By spring the following year, I had already hit 64 kg again, even though I had sworn to myself that I'd never gain, ever again. It was unavoidable, because I didn't have the discipline to not eat unhealthy food, and because I didn't exercise. So after that, for another three years I spent my days being absolutely unhappy with my body. People ask me why I prefer to be skinny. First of all, because it looks better for the fashion styles that I like. Secondly, because that big belly with it's three layers was the living proof and result of my laziness and lack of discipline, which I hated myself for. I had to lose in order to be happy. Yes, I know other girls look good with curves and all, but not for me. I don't like it, I don't want it, you will never ever be able to convince me otherwise. Ever.
I was so unhappy about my body size, that sometimes I started crying about myself. I was lazy and desperate. I wanna hit the me of two years ago. But then actually it doesn't matter. Because I didn't only get down with my weight, but I also went down one size ! What a fucking amazing feeling ! I saw these jeans at Zara and liked them a lot. They didn't have them in my size (not anymore mhuaha), 38 thought, so I tried on 36. And they fit !!! Zara jeans are even a tad too smaller most of the time. THEY FITTT. A little tight but they fit ! I havn't fit into a size 36 jeans in godknowshowlong ! I felt so happy. I had tried on size 36 a couple times a few months ago, but I never even got them above my thighs lol. Or if, my hips would be too big, and I couldn't button up. WHATEVER, I FUCKING MADE IT. How ? Eating less and exercising. Yes, everyone knows it, but noone does it. But it works. Seeeee. I fit in size 36, and if you are unhappy about yourself, and can't get your ass up, it's completely your own fault ! If you are unhappy about your body, do something about it ! Otherwise you're just another procrastinating lazy ass like I used to be. It's not going to get you anywhere ! And I bet it affects other parts of your life as well. I couldn't bring up the ambition to go to gym until I started getting more ambitious in general. Suddenly I had all these ideals in front of my eyes, and was willing to do what it takes to achieve them. So I said goodbye to laziness, and said hello to soon-to-be-amazing Julia, who fits into size 36 pants now after nine months of dieting and four months of working out. Yes it's a long process, but just fucking do it. I know it's no point telling you in a blog entry. I remember having read Tammy from Ohsofickle's blog entry two years ago about her going to gym and how she tried to motivate people to go. Back then I admired her, but still couldn't bring myself to do it. It wasn't until last year, that it finally made click. And now I'm still struggling everyday (why is food in Germany so good?!), but I'm willing to fight my laziness and lack of discipline ! I will get there (toned body, no more fat mass flabbing in the wind) ! And believe me, if I can make it, you can, too.