Midnight Thoughts

I tend to overanalyze and overthink things. It's hard for me to take things as they are. Accepting things as a matter of fact. I have to look at them from every perspective possible. It's not like I want to, but my mind simply won't stop thinking once started. I also tend to add content to my thinking by imagining things. I have always been that kind of child. Very very vivid fantasy. I used to make up beautiful stories for myself before falling asleep. I created them in my head, they existed for brief moments, and I loved them. Having grown up with no extraordinary talent, nor outstandingly beautiful, i have always regarded myself as utterly plain and of the average kind. I never was the one to stand in the spotlight, and even in my wildest fantasies, I always wanted to be discovered for my made up talents and be cherished for my thoughts, instead of being a overconfident, extrovert and sparkly girl. That's why even now, after having worked so hard on myself, my confidence, my ambitions, my body and my smile, i do not want to be loved for those reasons. I want someone to see this plain, shy and awkward girl that I have always been, and to appreciate and accept her. I might appear easygoing, outgoing and open, but actually I'm not. There is a lot hidden behind this appearance of mine. A lot of calmness. A lot of sadness. A lot of loneliness. Or maybe I'm just thinking too much again. 

I remember that moment very clearly. Even though I was not so sober.ย 

I remember that moment very clearly. Even though I was not so sober.