exactly twoandahalf months.

Since the last time i saw him. It was exactly one month before my birthday and two days before i was going to fly to Vietnam. How fast time passes, i would have never believed it. I would have never thought things would turn out like this in the first place.

The thing with not being able to get over your pride and just do things mindlessly or confidently is the question... What if ? What would happen if ? What would have happened if ? Of course those questions can also arise after doing stupid things but in my case and my life they usually come up when i didnt dare doing things. Like speaking my mind. And be confident. So now is the time to learn from my mistakes. I want him back. So i have to do everything possible to get him back, or at least try as hard as i can. My friends who dont understand me ask me why i do it, why would he deserve it, why i make a fool out of myself, that i deserve something better, why i have to chase after him. I dont think about these questions at all. Ok i admit, a bit, sometimes. Sometimes i feel a bit foolish and insecure about what i do, but then i think it over againa nd come to the conclusion that i want him in my life now. Thats all. If iam not willing to fight for it i might have to ask myself the question 'what if ?' again. What if i had tried harder to get him back, what if i hadnt been so scared of what he thinks about me ? In the end it doesnt even matter what he thinks about me right now, what matters more, and what i focus on is... what do i think about him and how do i feel about him ? His opinion wouldnt even matter when i didnt try to get him back. Because i wouldnt get to know anyway. But this way, firmly determined to stop him from walking further away from me, i will be able to ask him directly, what he thinks about me. But before i can do that i have to be sure about how i think about him, so i can get to my goal. And even if he rejects me.. Of course i will be sad. But i will be able to say that i tried my best. This love story taught me quite a lesson. I feel more confident about myself now. I must not be insecure when it comes to interhuman relationships.