ABOUT ME

from my #unhiddenthoughts instagram post.

Julia Doan Founder Floralpunk Vietnam Saigon Blogger

Am I crazy ? No I’m not. When I grew up most Vietnamese parents referred to me as hiền. I never felt the urge to be loud. To brag about what I can do, about what I think. In a group I was always the silent one. I would mostly let others have their way. Sometimes it’s funny that somehow I ended up as the boss of 30 people. My career wasn’t a skyrocket one. It was a long and tiresome process, but I learned so much along the way. When I look at other successful people, a lot of them are extroverts. Loud people who claim their title. That made me feel inferior for most of my life. Until I read the book Quiet and realised it’s ok to be introvert. I just always liked to share. Whoever read what I wrote, read it. If not then not. I’m also super ambitious, but without much talking. I set expectations and goals for myself, silently. I know what I want, and I try my best to get what I want. And if it requires hard work, sleepless nights and a lot of headache, so be it. I’ve never had a lot of hobbies. I don’t like chem gio or song ao. I like to take photos though. Moments as they are. I was lucky. To have found friends and a partner who truly understand and love me. I grew up feeling unloved and misunderstood by everyone. I always felt like I didn’t belong anywhere. I listened to punk rock. Until I grew mature enough to understand that people have different ways of expressing their feelings. And it’s not always what you want to hear but you gotta respect that. Don’t try to change people if they don’t want it. Change has to come from within. I accepted the fact that I’m not the crazy, funny, loud kind of person. I have found my place in this world and even though sometimes I’m stressed, I’m happy. The way I am, and not trying to be somebody I am not.

PREGNANCY UPDATE #WEEK33

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Some #unhiddenthoughts from my Instagram: "Growing up in a not so picture-perfect family (even though we all got through with it and get along now), those circumstances deeply shaped the person that Iam today. I’m not the most affectionate, loving and caring person. I know it. Giving another person a hug is awkward, unless I’m drunk. I don’t know how to make somebody else feel loved and treasured and appreciated. Because those feelings were never shown to me when I grew up. But I don’t want to be that kind of mother. I want JJ to grow up happy, feeling loved and carefree. I now know that my mom has always loved me, but she herself didn’t know any way to show it. So I grew up thinking that she didn’t. I cried myself to sleep more times than I remember, hated myself, hated my life. Always felt like I didn’t belong. So I hope that I can somehow spark the ability to show affection and to be loving, not just in thought, but also in gesture, so my baby girl will never have to feel not appreciated and valued by me."

I was feeling a little insecure I guess but today is the next day and I'm sure everything will be ok ! 

When you preach love yourself but hate yourself

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Everyone who has never dealt with depression, and who judges people who are negative, this post is not for you. This post is, like most of my posts, more for the people who struggle. People like me. So recently I have been so busy that I've been neglecting my eating, my work out, my sleep, and that resulted in me looking not my best. Which again reminds me every fucking time I look in the mirror, that I failed. And that I'm a disappointment with myself. Ok I blame it on the busy part, but actually it's my lack of self-blabla. Like I have a choice every time I eat and go to bed right? Do I eat fries or salad. Do I sleep now or keep scrolling Instagram. And the past weeks I have done nothing but chosing the non-healthy decision. I'm writing this post, one part to complain about myself, one part to fucking wake myself up because Julia, I'm so fed up with you like this ! Everything I do just results in more depression and self-hatred and those 2 hours extra scrolling on instagram or those 4 pieces of pizza are simply not worth it ! And work out at least ! I'm so tired of you going through this again and again and again, even though you know what you have to do. You know all the little tricks and tweaks to make yourself happy, why do you choose contemporary happiness over long-term happiness ? Just stop it already ! Tomorrow is a new day, and tomorrow you have new choices. I really hope for you that they are going to be better than the ones you made today. Nobody can help you out of this situation except yourself. Stop being the person you hate so much.