real talk.

I've been wanting to go to the doctor to get my stomach checked for... months. Not weeks, but months. I've been wanting to lose weight and go to gym properly for years. I was going to buy a new book but still haven't. I'm broke as fuck, but I still didn't get to post my Balenciaga bag on ebay, because I haven't taken photos yet. Yes, I'm that kind of lazy and procrastinating person that every mom hates, because she always has to remind her child of everything. I try not to be for my work, and keep to-do lists to be organized with work at least, but my personal life is just a big big mess. I try to keep to-do lists with my daily life, too, but I have so much work, I would have to schedule every single day and I'd probably have no free time for spontaneous fun, like going to the club, just because a friend said that the music is good. On the one side I want to be the kind of person that is super organized, because it would make things less chaotic, but on the other hand I hate the thought of having every hour of my daily life planned ahead. I really am in a dilemma with who and what kind of person I want to be. I love to go out and have fun, but at the same time I want to stay home and just read a book. And way too often I can't decide what I want more. I'm a little tired of myself. I hope I can get through this phase soon. I know it will pass, but for now it's a little hard to stand.