Reality Check End of May

When you look for excuses to stay in your comfort zone...

Ok I'm not kidding when I say I look the worst I have looked in ten years. I'm not kidding. I'm in bad condition. My nails are disgusting (and I couldn't find the time to buy fucking nail polish remover, not to speak of going to get a manicure), I haven't shaved myself in... weeks or months? My boyfriend keeps reminding me but I keep forgetting. (No guy wants a girlfriend with armpit hair, believe me. I wouldn't want a girlfriend like that either. Love or not.) My eyebrows have been so unplugged lately, I don't dare to step close to the mirror. My skin is a disaster, tanned, dirty and full of godknowswhat. I often don't cleanse in the evening, and all that Saigon pollution is just piling up. I don't think I have to mention my toe nails. It will gross the shit outta you. Yes. Bad, bad condition. I'm not looking after myself properly, and I don't even understand why ? When I was still living in Germany, I loved feeling, smelling and looking clean. Now I don't even own perfume or a deodorant anymore. Sometimes I even skip conditioner in the shower. What the hell is wrong with me ! I keep telling myself, 'after this months new arrivals and all the work, I'm gonna get my shit together', or 'ok, right after the Grand Opening of the new store I will get a hair cut'. And then I watch Sex and The City and they always look so gorgeous with that glow thanks to the make up artists, and I wonder, how I got so lazy. How can you be too lazy to look better ? How can you be so lazy to feel good about yourself ? How can you possibly not make time for conditioner ?! I'm this really horrible Himono Onna right now, even though I do my best to hide it. Because obviously I'm not happy or proud of the state I am in. This whole forever heat and endless routine thing really fucks me up. Everyday I wake up, skip make up, take Juju to pee, go to the store, do some work-related stuff, get home, take Juju to pee again, do some other work related stuff, and that's the end of my day. Noone sees me, I don't see anyone, noone gives a fuck whether my nails are disgusting or not, so neither do I. And I look for excuses why I can't go get a manicure. I got so much work to do. Everyday I got so much work to do. And if I don't have so much work to do, I have to force myself to relax. And I watch Sex and The City, and of course in every episode their hair is on point, and I want my hair to be on point every day as well, but that requires effort. I just somehow stopped putting effort into myself. It's so horrible. Every single day just passes by. I don't enjoy the days, I just do and do and do and do. And I keep loosing myself.