My fear of going sleeveless

Sometimes you have to step out of your comfort zone, to know that it's really not that bad.

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People who have been following me on Snapchat for a while, should know by now that I used to be extremely chubby. Two Mc Donald's menus for one meal I say. Or two Pizza Hut pizzas. Now I can't even eat three slices and I feel full. My wrists and ankles have always, magically, stayed the same in size though, all the fat went into my upper arms, thighs, belly and face. And I have always been extremely self-conscious and insecure about my body, so for over.... dude when's the last time I left the house sleeveless (unless it was for a shooting I didn't want to do). Anyway, i think it must have been at least... four years. I haven't bought or worn anything sleeveless out for over four years I think. Neither did I ever wear anything that would show my belly or thighs. My style right now wasn't created out of passion only, but also has deep roots in the way I have been loving or hating myself. Based on the way I feel comfortable or uncomfortable in my body. I never had the ambition to work on my body and make myself feel confident in it. I just built up my wardrobe within my comfort zone and around the war zones. Wide tops, no mini skirts or short shorts, loads of outerwear to hide everything, and damn, I think I don't even have a bikini. I have like one bikini top, and one bottom, but they don't really belong to each other, and it doesn't matter anyway because I don't go swimming. That's how my wardrobe is.


Earrings - Floralpunk / Top - LiiQ Rush / Jeans - Clockhouse / Slippers - Nosbyn / Bag - Stella Mc Cartney


So when I bought this LIIQ Rush Fish Tail top or dress (I also have it in white, you can see it here), I bought it to wear it underneath a wide top, not to wear it by itself, because I thought that I could never ever leave the house sleeveless. But I did today. My boyfriend said that the top looks great on me and that I don't look fat at all, and that my complexes are not reasonable at all. I still didn't feel too happy though, and told him 'I will only feel better if you take nice photos and my arm is not wobbly in every single picture'. And so he did. And now I do feel less insecure. It's not like I enjoy wearing sleeveless so much, but I think we need to build up that relationship slowly. It's not like you can overcome the fights in your head from one second to the next. It takes time, but most of all, it takes either courage from within or encouragement from outside.

Side note about the editing of this post: One of my favourite bloggers Yan Yan Chan apparently edits her photos with VSCO A6 + grain, so I tried it, but am not sure about it yet haha. Sometimes I really really love grain because it gives your photo so much mood, but sometimes I also really love sharp and clean images. And how do I know that she uses A6? I downloaded a photo of her and clicked on the 'Get Info' tab. It said that the photo was 'Processed with VSCO with a6 preset' haha. That's how you know. All VSCO app photos will have that information included.