insomnia thoughts I

On working behaviour, being a boss and marketing.

I guess I'm the creative kind of type, who occasionally gets a spark of inspiration, and then needs to realise her idea right away. Just that I'm not an artist but a marketer, and in business and marketing you can't just throw a new idea in every day and realise it right away. In marketing there needs to be strategy and organisation, but that's so not me.

Back in school, whenever I had to write an essay or prepare anything in advance, I'd just procrastinate until the day before the deadline was due and I pulled off all my ambitions, creativity and hours of sleep to finish whatever I had to finish. I've always been that kind of, thinking something, doing right away kind of person. It's hard for me to plan things weeks in advance and then stay patient with it and work it off slowly. When I plan something and want to get it done, I work on it for hours, days and nights until it's done. I can't do those two-hours a day, 5-days a week thing. But that's extremely bad. Especially in a team-work environment, that requires planning and organisation to get things done. 

Maybe it's just because I didn't divide my team properly in proper sections and groups. I just always speak out my thoughts to all of them and then they feel stressed. Rather than talking about my ideas to the exact person relevant. Aya, being a boss is so fucking hard. But having me as a boss is also hard I guess.

I always wished that I was that super organised and neat and logically thinking kind of person with a calm aura. But nah, I ended up as the one who always gets excited really fast and freaks out really fast. How did I end up like this ? I'm probably going to die of burnout because of these features of mine.