About love

 

I have dated and loved so many times. I met so many shitheads but also had to be an asshole some times. The last relationship was the worst of all. After we broke up he went around and talked shit about me and said stuff like that because of me he is broke and that he had to pay for me even though it was completely the other way round. And I never said a word to anyone about it, until I actually found out that he couldn't pay his debts because he 'had to pay rent for me'. That's what he told mutual friends. I tried kicking him out because he didn't pay rent, but he begged be crying to let him stay, saying he would pay rent. He never did. Even borrowed money all the time without even realizing. My money is not your money. My money is my fucking money. I was broke because of him and not the other way round. So pissed when I think about it but never mind. Anyway you have to go through all of all the things you do not want so you can realize who is truly important to you, and who the kind of person is that you can build a future with. That's the most important thing to me. Future. I still enjoy the now, but if there's no future in sight, bye. I don't want to invest time into a relationship anymore that is not going to last. And I have dated so many guys because I have always been looking for the right one. The one who treats me absolutely flawlessly according to my expectations. People say, 'don't set your expectations so high !'. But why the hell not ?! Why should I date someone and love someone I always have to complain about ? I don't believe in love in the way that just because you have butterflies in your tummy, that that person is the right one. And that that kind of love can overcome all obstacles. How can, if you spend every night fighting ? I've been there and done that, and I don't want that. So just because other people tell me it's normal, it doesn't mean that I have to live with it. Because it's my life and I have choices. I have the right to have high expectations of my own relationship. You can accept a guy who takes your money like it's the most normal thing in the world ? Fine. That's you, not me. In my world my guy still has to pay for my food when we go eat out. Nah. Don't argue with me on that point !!! I tried acting like I don't care about it but I lied to myself. Everytime I had to split a bill I got annoyed. But that's only during dating. When I'm settled in a relationship i live to pay for my partner. So, I have about a billion points that could make me annoyed. But I can't help it. I have high expectations so i easily get annoyed. Normal. But my conscience is also really strong so I suppress my annoyance because I tend to think I shouldn't. So over the course of a shit relationship with a lot of failed expectations, i tend to get more and more annoyed until i start fighting and then it always leads to break-up. That's why i don't want to lower my expectations. I can't. It doesn't lead anywhere so I needed someone who fulfills my expectations. And I found him. I think. But actually I have no doubts this time. Not a single one. I really love him and he really loves me and both of us can't complain a single thing about each other. I have been with him with almost four months and there hasn't been a single time that I got mad because of him. Not seriously at least. I haven't fought with him even once, which I thought would be impossible because I'm the worst gf and always create fights. He hasn't given me one single reason to be pissed at him, not one time, no matter how upset or exhausted i was by other things (i easily get angry at those times). When we went to Bangkok, after eight hours walking around and extreme exhaustion, he still wouldn't let me carry any bags. He still would carry them all for me. (But because i'm still an independent and nice person, of course I wouldn't let him). And when we came back to the hotel, my exhaustion was more important to him than his own, and he did everything to decrease it. Oh my god, i'm so lucky i thought. Don't think I'm some bitch who would let him being treated like a slave doing everything for me. I love him so I give my all too but I'm just talking about him in this post haha. Seriously every fucking single thing, that you can possibly expect of your partner, he would do it. I don't even have to expect anything actually. He's just perfect to me in every single way and in every single situation. And I feel seriously like the luckiest girl in his arms. And because I have loved and dated so many times before, and because I have spent ten years raising expectations of my partner, I truly dare saying that he is my right one. I thought I'd meet someone like him much later in life, because I'm never ready for anything, but he is here now, and I'm not going to miss out just because I think of myself that I'm too young to settle and to love someone forever. Seriously especially me, it's so hard to convince me of true love. Do you believe in true love? Then be happy for me haha. Are you a pessimist like me ? Then just wait and see. I'm just telling you guys how I feel. I don't know what's gonna happen and I can't predict the future, but I can totally imagine a future with him. And I think I'm gonna be very happy in that future : ) seriously I have so much fun with him every day and he makes me feel like being so loved and treasured. You can't even imagine how many small things there are that he did for me, unexpectedly. There are new surprises all the time. There's no limit to this love, i feel like it just keeps growing. I have never felt this completely content.