When you preach love yourself but hate yourself

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Everyone who has never dealt with depression, and who judges people who are negative, this post is not for you. This post is, like most of my posts, more for the people who struggle. People like me. So recently I have been so busy that I've been neglecting my eating, my work out, my sleep, and that resulted in me looking not my best. Which again reminds me every fucking time I look in the mirror, that I failed. And that I'm a disappointment with myself. Ok I blame it on the busy part, but actually it's my lack of self-blabla. Like I have a choice every time I eat and go to bed right? Do I eat fries or salad. Do I sleep now or keep scrolling Instagram. And the past weeks I have done nothing but chosing the non-healthy decision. I'm writing this post, one part to complain about myself, one part to fucking wake myself up because Julia, I'm so fed up with you like this ! Everything I do just results in more depression and self-hatred and those 2 hours extra scrolling on instagram or those 4 pieces of pizza are simply not worth it ! And work out at least ! I'm so tired of you going through this again and again and again, even though you know what you have to do. You know all the little tricks and tweaks to make yourself happy, why do you choose contemporary happiness over long-term happiness ? Just stop it already ! Tomorrow is a new day, and tomorrow you have new choices. I really hope for you that they are going to be better than the ones you made today. Nobody can help you out of this situation except yourself. Stop being the person you hate so much.