Spent by myself with myself

Today was one of those super super super rare days on which I stayed at home. Home means approximately 10 minutes walking distance from my apartment. I still had to walk my dog Juju, so I did leave the house. And I went to the gym downstairs. I also went to buy a loaf of bread at Tous Les Jours, which was a really bad idea. But the recipe in the SWEAT app by Kayla Itsines required bread. What the recipe did not require was me using the double amount of carbs and fat mentioned in the recipe. Well I'm only in week 1, I'll get there, I promise. Seriously eating one slice of bread does sound impossible, but nothing is impossible right ? And I only bought crappy Tous Les Jours bread (sorry if I'm offending anyone, but I like crispy and high quality bread. TLJ simply ain'ttt, don't argue with me on that one.) Imagine I had actual German Rye Bread... Oh god. I remember those times when I stayed home all day in Germany and was able to finish pretty much a whole loaf by myself. With nothing but butter. Bread and butter all day. Sounds pretty fucking amazing, but only if you have good bread and good butter. Ok where was I... I stayed home all day. It's 9pm. I woke up at 12pm. Was on the phone with far-distance relationship boyfriend until 4am last night. Can't blame me for that one huh, it wasn't because of Instagram or Pinterest ! I've been working on Floralpunk's new online shop for the past couple hours and we will launch it on June 1st ! We do have some problems, but I hope we can fix them. It's mostly language problems. I can't do the page in Vietnamese because I want that exact font, but it doesn't support Vietnamese. Check out is completely in Vietnamese because it's a Vietnamese e-commerce platform. Pretty shit for international customers. So right now the online shop is restricted to educated Vietnamese people who speak English and can do both. Great. Not. 

Anyway, this kind of day is rare these days because these days every day I have some sorts of meetings or have to go take photos, or I gotta run errands and whatever. So I'm really so much more than happy that I was able to stay home all day today. Introverts need their loner time I guess. 

When you preach love yourself but hate yourself


Everyone who has never dealt with depression, and who judges people who are negative, this post is not for you. This post is, like most of my posts, more for the people who struggle. People like me. So recently I have been so busy that I've been neglecting my eating, my work out, my sleep, and that resulted in me looking not my best. Which again reminds me every fucking time I look in the mirror, that I failed. And that I'm a disappointment with myself. Ok I blame it on the busy part, but actually it's my lack of self-blabla. Like I have a choice every time I eat and go to bed right? Do I eat fries or salad. Do I sleep now or keep scrolling Instagram. And the past weeks I have done nothing but chosing the non-healthy decision. I'm writing this post, one part to complain about myself, one part to fucking wake myself up because Julia, I'm so fed up with you like this ! Everything I do just results in more depression and self-hatred and those 2 hours extra scrolling on instagram or those 4 pieces of pizza are simply not worth it ! And work out at least ! I'm so tired of you going through this again and again and again, even though you know what you have to do. You know all the little tricks and tweaks to make yourself happy, why do you choose contemporary happiness over long-term happiness ? Just stop it already ! Tomorrow is a new day, and tomorrow you have new choices. I really hope for you that they are going to be better than the ones you made today. Nobody can help you out of this situation except yourself. Stop being the person you hate so much.