Life with all its odds

Hey kids, i miss this blog. But i really cant find the time to sit down at my computer and just blog, because i either have to look up things for the Floralpunk Shop from wholesalers and manufacturers to sell or because i have to look things up for our future "banh mi" shop ! Or im working at Monsieur Hu. I quit uni btw. Best decision of my life so far. Im not a study person man. I had so many headached nights because of my choice of subject and then i decided on communication design, did it for two months, realized it wasnt quite the right thing for me, and quit. Seriously, the path of studying isnt the right choice for everyone. Some people, like me, who are not too dumb and love money too much are better off doing business. And thats what iam trying to do now. Setting up businesses.

Initially i was just going to do the Floralpunk Shop thing and wanted to focus on that. But after some sleepless nights i realized that i wont get anywhere without any capital. So i decided to work full-time for my boss Sam, which means 4 to 5 days a week. That is stressful enough. Of course i neglected my shop idea a little and focused on workin but the result aint that negative so far. Started saving after christmas and i have 1400€ so far. Reinvested 800 in buying stuff for Floralpunk and gonna have to pay my flight tickets later today. Yes, iam going to china as well, as if i wasnt busy enough already. But thats an opportunity i cant deny so whatever. Now, i went to visit my dad last week and he said he would invest money in me if i did something in gastronomy. Then a week later and a few days ago my mom announced that she has the idea of tramsforming her nail studio into a banh mi shop. No we dont really have any in mumich yet. And i thought it was a great idea ! We discussed it and my mom came to the conclusion that i should do it, that she and my dad would invest money, and thats how it all started. My, im going to open a banh mi shop thing. Sooo. Kind of busy my life right now init. And i applied for an internship in fashion pr as well for april and was going to re-apply for uni im Berlin in June. I want too many things forgodssake !!! Thats why i feel so stressed out. I need to focus on one thing and do it well. One of my biggest problems man, i want too much. More than i could handle. And now its 9am i havnt slept yet, and so many fuckin things to do today. Fml. Because my mom just got a baby and i need to do all the paper work. Headacheeee

age of confusion

To drink or not to drink. It all lies in my hand. Iam still so immature. I wont let other people decide for me because i think iam old enough to decide for myself, but what i decide for myself isnt always the best for myself. I got wasted again last night. And i really hate myself for always getting wasted and wasted and wasted. Its so exhausting from getting home, to waking up the next morning to just feeling shit all day. But i still do it. Because i dont have full control over me yet but wont let anybody else take control over me. And i hate going home. I hate the emptiness i feel when going home. There is nothing there. Nothing that would satisfy me or make me happy. I stay up all night and go on tumblr and facebook, see all the cool people do cool shits and feel depressed again. So blurrying my mind and numbing my body is my other option. Alcohol. I drink way too much, but luckily i drink less recently. Right after finishing high school i got drunk every fucking single day. In Vietnam last year there was almost no morning waking up without a hangover. And it was so so so bad for me yet i did it. I thought i was having fun. And i did. I dont regret what i did. But the truth is, i dont want to do that all the time anylonger. Because it doesnt satisfy me. Anymore. But iam so used to doing it and have the hope and have made the experience that it makes me happy. For outstanders its easy to say, you dont want to drink ? Then dont. People who have a 'normal' relationship wont understand when i say i need to drink. I do it to get over my fucking unsatisfying life. Its so easy to judge. But you shouldnt judge me for that. Iam the only person who is supposed to judge me. And i do. No words other people say can harm me as much as what i think about myself. But i will try to change myself. I just have to. There is no point to just get drunk and feel bad right. But we all have flaws, and things we want to change about ourselves, and resisting alcohol is my big point. The journey is hard. Im sure a lot of you girls want to lose weight. Its basically the same. You are not supposed to eat but you still do and afterwards you feel shit about eating in extreme cases or complain that you dont lose weight. Thats the way it is man. Im hangovered. Shit man. Nobodys perfect and everybody got problems. Sigh.

same, same, but different.

Me and my best girl at the supermarket after my first day of uni.

Had my first day at uni today. It actually started last week already but i kind of overslept so i just didnt go. Getting used to a new environment is really so hard for me. It doesnt seem so, but when iam by myself and dont know anyone iam really really fucking shy. I just cant get out of my shell and just talk to people. So i spoke to like three people in class today and found out the name of one person. Which is a big step already. I have never been one of the popular people, average looking, average talents, average intelligence, average eloquency. I dont stand out very much and usually end up being a loner for a very long time until i make friends with someone. Sigh, its really... hard. I cant stop feeling inferior to other people in no matter what aspect. I have really low self-confidence when iam not in my used environment. Like, there are people in my class who might not look that cool or dress that nice but they seem so fucking smart and eloquent and seem to know so much, it intimidates me. Or they draw so well, that intimidates me as well. Iam so easily intimidated. Gonna be funny three years.